As I have been learning more and more about myself, on my quest for authenticity, I have realised that I have acted mostly out of fear. Wanting to control things in my life is out of fear; wanting to please people is out of fear; and withholding my love is out of fear.
I have also realised that I have been very cerebral and logical, and strategic. This is not necessarily how I am supposed to live my life – my natural authority in my life is my gut. I need to be more lead by my gut and my intuition than I have been in the past.
I have realised that when we have aced from decisions made from our thinking minds, rather than our natural authority, we experience resistance. Continually making decisions from our mind means we are living a life that isn’t ours; and the assimilated tree from such actions jeopardise our physical, mental and emotional well-being.
Over the last few years (or even over a decade, if I’m being really honest), I have certainly felt the resistance of life. I have felt the struggle and felt like I have been crawling from thick mud. I have tried to reframe it, and thought “No, I’m laying concrete as a solid foundation to build from” – but I have been fooling myself.
Life has not flowed, as I have seen it flow for others, and I have been frustrated and envious. My continuing frustration was a signpost for me of the resistance, but I just haven’t paid attention. I have veered off course to how I should be living, so life has been a struggle. I was trying to reframe the frustration – that the frustration itself was blocking my flow, and that I needed to consciously turn that frustration around. But I was also approaching that the wrong way.
It has been my not-self actions the the universe has been resisting, and causing the frustration – not my true self!
I was taking the frustration and resistance personally, as if I was being punished. I was experiencing it as a rejection of my true self by others. But I wasn’t making decisions or acting as my true self, so I haven’t been rejected at all.
Now that I know frustration is a signpost for me, I can become conscious of that resistance and step back and reassess my approach/action/words. As I start living authentically to what my gut and intuition is telling me, my purpose in life should be freed to accomplish its essential mission and bring me to my full true-self measure of satisfaction, success, peace and surprise!
This is now an experiment that I am applying to my life, so I will watch how it unfolds. I am a Manifesting Generator.