Remember when you were young, free and looked for ways to have fun with your friends and spouse? Over the years, we often find it difficult to stay young at heart when life overwhelms us with responsibility, stress and even consuming worries about financial or employment concerns. We no longer look for the fun in anything. In fact, sometimes others attempting to have fun can irritate us even further! Well, it needs to stop right now. You’re being far too grown up and sucking the fun right out of your life and your spouse’s life as well. It’s time to re-connect with your inner child and extend the offer to find fun again to your spouse.
Think back to when you and your spouse were dating and try to remember the most fun you two had together. Start remembering together by doing it all over again right now! Take this idea a step further by trying to remember the most fun you’ve ever had while your clothes were on and, of course, then try to remember the most fun you’ve ever had while your clothes were off! Do them both again! And do them again if you want to!
When you live with someone and you want to have fun with them, it is essential that you pay attention to what they like and what they don’t like. If you are the only one having fun because you’ve stepped on his or her toes or feelings, there really isn’t any fun being had. For example, we all have certain things that make us angry or what some call “hot topics”. Learn what your spouse’s hot topics are and try not to bring them up. You as well as your spouse also have certain actions that irritate you or “pet peeves”. Again, learn them and try avoiding them!
Your spouse also has a number of things from which they derive pleasure. Your spouse, no matter how composed he or she may be, has areas of emotional vulnerability. Learn what they are and indulge those areas. Also, pay attention to what turns your partner on and rehearse, practice, rehearse, practice and so on! It is also important to know what your spouse considers to be a ‘turn off’ so that you can avoid doing so. If you do something that turns your partner off, it could undo all of the ‘turning on’ you’ve been working so hard at.
Keep in mind that there are endless ways that you can express love to your spouse and when you add fun into the mix, it can become a lasting memory. Always accept your partner’s reactions and responses as honest expressions of their love even though it might not be what you had hoped for or anticipated. This is part of accepting your partner for who he or she is and learning to see past your own disappointment or insecurities. If you have difficulty with the way you are viewing his or her attempt at romance, you might simply begin a conversation about his or her needs while contributing your own thoughts and feelings. If you work with your partner instead of conflicting with him or her, you will both be much happier and your romance with grow much quicker.